Find The One Who Will Lift You Up

Af0sF2OS5S5gatqrKzVP_SilhoutteIt has been twelve years that my husband and I have been together, and I couldn’t imagine my life without him. I’m normally the more romantic of the two of us, and today, I’m feeling extra mushy. I have tried our entire relationship to explain to him what he means to me, but I’m better with written words than I am with spoken. No matter how much I write or speak, though, it never seems enough.

How do you explain to someone that literally saved your life how much they mean to you?

As a teenager, I got mixed up with a bad crowd and an even worse relationship. My last middle school year through my early high school years were the darkest parts of my life. I have a lot of regrets during those years, but my biggest mistakes were when I hurt the man I love. I was a young kid then, but those mistakes still haunt me. Not because they have any effect on our relationship (he says he never thinks about it unless I bring it up), but because I realize now how naive I had been and how much pain I had caused my now husband.

Through all the mistakes and all the irresponsible decisions I made, he stood by me, and I couldn’t be more thankful that he did. He helped me through those horrid years and brought me back to life in the light. Without him, I know I wouldn’t be where I am, let alone the person I am today. He saved me from a life I never want to think I would’ve lived, and although I have tried, I don’t think I will ever be able to thank him, or show him how much I appreciate him enough.

I always tell him that he pulls me up and allows me to float in the clouds, pushes me to dream even the wildest of possibilities like becoming a writer while I keep him grounded, the realist of us two and knower of all things Household Chamberlin. Without him, I would have never pursued writing or self-published any of my works. Honestly, I don’t know that I would have any of the things I have in my life right now if he wasn’t my other half.

How do you show enough gratitude to someone who has given you and helped you achieve everything you have ever dreamed of?

I am so thankful and blessed for the photo-1465508421127-4cbee06c9e73life I have with my husband and now talking-and-toddling daughter because without either of them, I wouldn’t be as happy as I am now. And maybe one day, I will think of a way to repay my husband for all he has done for me over the years. Maybe when we are old and gray, and I have to remind him where he put his teeth in order for him to eat his favorite meal will he finally understand exactly how much I love him.

Book Review: Mine to Take by Cynthia Eden

It has been a while since I have actually sat down and read a book. With school, work, and my daughter, I just haven’t been able to find the time. Well, last night, I finally did it! I read a whole book in about three hours with interruptions, of course, such as bath and bedtime routine. It was a quick read, relatively short book, but it packed a whopping punch.18053913

Mine to Take by Cynthia Eden

Rating: 4.5 Stars

I love Cynthia Eden! I have read her entire Bound series which hooked me on her as an author, and just recently found this novel since it was a freebie on Amazon. (One of the best ways for an Indie Author to market themselves because I went searching for the next book in the series and purchased it!) She is a semi-Indie Author who has been published by various firms, but takes pride in her independent accomplishments, and as well she should. I have yet to read a novel that I did not thoroughly enjoy by her! And Mine to Take is no different.

Skye Sullivan is a talented prima-ballerina who had a car accident which maimed her leg and stripped her of her ability to dance professionally. With a long past of darkness, Skye is used to feeling fear and pain, but for months before her accident, she feels as if someone had been watching her, breaking into her apartment and moving things, even stealing her underwear from her drawers. The police didn’t believe her before, nor after her accident, so she turned to the one man she knew she could count on. A man from her dark past she had never been able to forget.

Some men left a mark on a woman, a mark that went far beneath the skin. – Mine to Take by Cynthia Eden

Skye seems to be a frail woman, but her soul is strong. After her parents died when she was a child, she bounced through the system, never feeling safe or unafraid. She lived with the fear and pain until she found her way to a dance floor. She had found her release and her passion, but one man would always trump her need to dance.

Trace Weston is a self-made millionaire who pulled himself from the slums and into high society in a way he would never admit. His security firm based its riches on corporations, but when Skye walks into his office with a bone chilling story of a stalker, he dedicates all of his resources to protecting, including himself. He had let her go once before, and he wouldn’t make that mistake again, but before he could have her the way he wanted, he had to make sure she was safe.

There were some things a man could never forget. – Mine to Take by Cynthia Eden

Trace had met Skye as a teenager, saved her the first night they had met, too. He was a dominate man, strong and powerful in demeanor, and when it came to Skye, his reflex was to keep her close. She was the one that got away, but he wouldn’t let her go a second time.


There were so many twists and turns in the short novel that I absolutely loved. The pace kept you on the edge of your seat, and you constantly questioned who the stalker was. Eden almost had be convinced that it was Trace when the detective was grilling him at the police station in front of Skye, but the scene where she was dancing in the club and practically begged Trace not to be the stalker convinced me it wasn’t him. The vulnerability of Trace and Skye in that moment was beautiful!

The only thing I wish that would have played out a bit more was the captive scene toward the end when Loxley went to where he had Skye imprisoned, and he was going to take her away, so that Trace or anyone else couldn’t find her. It seemed so very short that he was going to clean her up, and she thought that Trace was dead, but on the other hand, it was kind of a relief that it wasn’t too drawn out. Stalker situations like that can be a bit dark and aggressive, so not pushing the boundary too hard was a bit welcoming after all the main characters had been through.

All and all, a great quick read when you are hungry for a good book, but are strapped for time. Now on to homework. Boo! I want to read Mine to Keep!

Zika: The New, Big, Bad, Scary Disease

Am I missing something here?

How to Avoid Zika Virus Mosquito Bites


I do not claim to be or have ever been a medical doctor or scientist, but with all the research being done right now on the Zika virus, and I am failing to see why this “new” disease is suddenly so big, bad, and scary. I understand for women who are pregnant that this is a very real threat, but other than for this minority group, I don’t understand why everyone else is freaking out.

I did some research, and again I am no doctor or scientist, but if a mosquito carrying the virus bites you and you become infected then you are only infected with the virus for about a week, says the CDC on their website: After a week, you will most likely be protected from future infections.

Once the week of infection is up which only provides cold/flu like symptoms, some doctors and researchers are recommending you abstain or use protection during sexual intercourse for a period of eight weeks to six months after all symptoms have stopped. If you have traveled to an area that is known to have mosquitos carrying the virus, but do not show any symptoms, doctors and researchers are recommending the eight week abstain and/or protected sex period. These recommendations can be found on the WHO website:

All this to say that if you are not trying to have a child or are already pregnant with one, why is the world so afraid of this virus? Again I stress the fact that if you are trying to get pregnant or already are pregnant, then I understand why these people are uneasy, but take some of the Olympic athletes as an example.  rio-olympics-2016-logo-on-white_1920x1200_947-wide

Hope Solo is the first to come to mind. She recently posted pictures of multiple different methods of bug repellent to which the crowd in Brazil booed her relentlessly during the first women’s soccer meet of the games, and even at times screaming “Zika!” Solo was married in 2012, so I guess there could be a possibility that she may want to get pregnant in the next eight weeks to six months, but since she knows the risk and is taking precautions then her next logical step would be to abstain or use protection until she has passed the milestone for infection.

Another example would be Michael Phelps. Now he just had a baby, so unless he and his wife want their children very close in age (I don’t know how people manage two infants/toddlers at the same time, so it just seems unlikely to me), I don’t see why he would be concerned with this virus. He is not trying to have another baby right now and his wife already gave birth to a healthy boy, therefore, in my opinion, his fear of this virus should none.

Remember the recent Ebola scare? Now that is a very real threat in my mind because not only did it make its way to the U.S., but it is a virus that can be airborne and result in death no matter your fertility status. I am in no way attempting to downplay the threat a mother may feel over her unborn child, but for those of us that are not with child or attempting to conceive, I am at a loss to why this virus is so scary.

Again I ask: am I missing something? Someone please enlighten me!


Drying Out My Mind

I’m starting to feel as if my mind won’t shut off. I have all these thoughts and feelings just swirling within my brain like a dark, daunting twister that I can’t shut off. It is literally starting to make me feel like Atlas, just not with the world on my shoulders but trying to hold up my own head. I’m sure you and I both know why, with the passing of my close friend recently and she has been heavy on my heart the past few weeks, but it is really curious to me why my mind goes in these random directions rather than focused on what you would think would be the norm. 

Occasionally we will be overwhelmed, but mostly we will be enchanted. – Jean Houston 

Ha! The norm. I hear that all the time as a new mom. (How long can I consider myself a new mom before it isn’t true anymore?) If I say, oh, I’m tired, there is always someone there to say, oh, you’ll be that way until your kid is 18. It’s normal. Or if I say, man, I wish I had time to do whatever then someone always pipes up, oh, you will one day when your baby is grown. It’s just how it will be from here until they go to college. But that’s normal. 

Let me blow your mind for a second here. How about normal is synonymous with the same as everybody else, and we all know that no baby is the same as the next. In my mind, no two humans are alike, either, therefore, there is no normal. We each are trying to get through this life with the most amazing experiences we can find, and the definition of amazing is different for all of us. Wow! Take that pill with a dry mouth.  

Again, I stress the fact that my mind is uncontrollably firing in all directions. I can’t quite pinpoint where my focus is, so I feel like I am literally all over the place! This post is definitely going to be more of just getting this off my chest since for one, I missed posting this past week, and two, I can’t target exactly what I am feeling. I seriously feel like a jar of fireflies flying aimlessly and lighting randomly through the night. 1

A quiet mind is able to hear intuition over fear. 

The above is a link to an article I really needed to read right about now.  

And I just remembered that I need to do my homework. Ugh. Maybe that will help me focus my mind on something specific. A thought on a single track would be nice right about now, but I’m not sure if the light at the end of the tunnel is the sun or an oncoming train. Choo-choo!

Bedtime Sonnets

​My mind is feeling a little foggy with different words and POVs. I don’t think these are really meant to be one flowing poem, but that’s the way they flew out. When the muse knocks..

If you can act like you don’t see me
Then was I ever really there?
If you can pretend to forget about me
Then was I ever really a memory?
If you can replace me with someone new
Then was I ever really near you?

Life moves on
As the earth spins,
And I used to think
It spun around you,
But now you’re gone,
and I feel alone.
What will I do?

If I can’t act like I don’t see you
Then I know you still exist.
If I can’t pretend to forget you
Then I’ll live with your memory.
If I can’t replace you with someone new
Then I’ll hold what I have left of you close.

For every day you aren’t with me,
I miss you more and more.
For every day I miss you,
My heart splinters a little greater.
I hope one day I find you on a golden, sandy shore
Because that’s when I’ll show you what you mean to me.
That’s when I’ll prove you’re the one for me.

Listen close, my dearest.
Be sure to hear my words
Because one day they’ll be a whisper
You had once heard.
I know the secret of life
If you really want to know.
You have to have faith in others
Even if they let you down
Because only then will you understand
The treasure that can be found
From someone else’s perspective
That you never saw before.
Listen close, my darling, 
Come and gather round.
Repeat to me my ramblings,
So I know you understand.
This secret will keep you going
As you fumble through this life.
If nothing else, my sweetest,
Keep it safe and hold it tight.

Time for bed, I guess, now that my mind has dried out a bit. Sweet dreams!

Becoming A Mother – For My Daughter

When life was easy, I came and went as I
When life was easy, I never worried about a thing.
I could get up and go at the drop of a hat.
I could stay out all night and sleep in till noon.
I never cared what anyone thought.
My main goal was to make me happy.
I partied too much, drank too much, made mistakes that I’m not proud of, but never had to worry about someone to answer to.

When life was easy, responsibility was simple.
When life was easy, I took care of me.
I could go a little crazy or forget about everything, but it really wouldn’t matter to anyone but me.
I could get a tattoo or piercing on any old whim.
I could go to a hockey game without notice.
I could eat fast food every day of the week, and none of it mattered to anyone but me.

When life was easy, most days were the same.
When life was easy, nothing really changed.
Work during the week; partying and sleeping late on the weekends.
I could always count on the same people to do the same thing day in and out.
I could always count on the same old routine.
And it all fit so perfectly in the monotony of when life was easy.

Now, life is different in a way I couldn’t have imagined.
Now, life is altered into something I never foresaw.
Now, life is hard.

Now that you’re here, life is hard.
Now that you’re here, I have to be accountable for my whereabouts.
I have to do certain things at certain times.
I have to be up early then in bed early.
I have to care what someone else thinks.
My main goal now is to make you happy because now it all matters to someone that isn’t me.

Now that you’re here, responsibility is difficult.
Now that you’re here, I have to take care of you.
I have sometimes felt like I’m not doing this right, and now it matters to someone that isn’t me.
I have not gotten a tattoo or piercing in a few years.
I have to make plans in order to go out.
I have to live healthy and buy organic food because now it all matters to someone that isn’t me.

Now that you’re here, every day is different.
Now that you’re here, everything has changed.
My life revolves around you each and every moment.
I have to be there for you because I know you need me.
I have to help you learn this world as much as I can.
And it all fits so perfectly in the constant changes of our lives because now something matters to someone that isn’t

My life was full of nothing before you were born.
My life was empty as I went through the motions.
Now my life has meaning as I walk alongside you.
Now my life consists of helping you through.
I love you more than anything, my daughter.
And now that life is hard, I do everything for you.
And now that life is worth living, it’s all because of you.

Southern New Hampshire University – Online Student

If I’ve never told you, let me tell you now. My husband comes up with the greatest ideas on a weekly basis. (Note the eye rolling.) One of the many brilliant ideas was to go back to school. He did all the research, received information packets, and talked to advisors before finally settling on Southern New Hampshire University (SNHU). He presented the idea to me, and I had always said that once I found out what I wanted to do with my career, I would go back to school, so I was receptive because my career in administration seems worthwhile and heard him out. It took me a few months to warm up to the idea fully, but eventually, we both signed up and began classes the very next week.

I have been back in school, albeit online, for almost a year now. The structure of the courses are relaxed enough that I don’t feel crunched for time to complete the work, but rigid enough to keep me on track with my studies. All of the courses I have taken thus far have felt pretty laid back as I have learned to juggle the workload photo-1446329360995-b4642a139973which is reflecting in my 4.0 GPA. So when my advisor explained that I needed to take statistics, I felt like I was kissing my spectacular GPA goodbye.

I’m one of those weird people that like math and English throughout my studies. I always did well in both areas. Science, meh, depending on the subject, I would come out with a B or C, but it really never peaked my interest. History, yuck! I love the stories of history like how battles were fought and how treaties were drawn up, but I have no interest in memorizing a bunch of names and dates!

Back on track. I have always been good at math, so you would think that statistics wouldn’t bother me. Wrong! It literally is worrying me to no end! I’m attending all the webinars and reviewing all the material I can to make sure that I am ready for the end of the term exam.

Huh, maybe that is what is concerning me. I’ve always been a pretty good test taker. I never really had anxiety over them, but this will be my first online class end of the year exam experience. Whew, what a mouthful! All of my other classes have all been papers and PowerPoint projects, so taking a real exam is worrying me! I can feel the gray hair popping in.

Here’s what I have found so far:mac-glasses

Anyone have any additional tips on online class exam taking?

Thank you. May I have another?

Story of my life right now, and not anyone’s fault but my own. I literally cannot stop. I wonder if there is a medical word for it. Like, could I seriously be diagnosed for this chronic issue I have? Or would it fall under more of an addiction type illness? 

Oh, it really is nothing serious, but I’m sure it could lead to me being burned out which my Human Relations in Administration course showed could cause undesirable emotional and physical strain in all aspects of life. Boy, do I know it! I take on way too much in my life, and it is always all at once. I can’t help it. I don’t know why I do it. I add on one thing, then another, and suddenly I’m looking around at my life and realize I have taken on way too much for one person.

But, I do it anyways. I honestly don’t know what I would do if I didn’t constantly find new and interesting things to fill my time. Maybe on some unconscious level I enjoy the feeling of being busy.

You’ll never find your limits until you’ve gone too far. – Aron Ralston

Take my current situation as an example. I am a wife, a new mother (how much longer can I say that before it is untrue? Two years? Three?), a full time student, a full time administrative professional, an active member of my local area network of professional administrators, writer and reader when possible, and now, I have joined UpWork.

UpWork is an online community for agencies and contractors to connect. Agencies post jobs, and contractors submit proposals to be hired for them. I originally stumbled upon it because I was looking for opportunities to work from home while still maintaining a decent salary. I was looking through job listings in the usual big-name websites and happened upon UpWork. I researched the company and was relieved to find that it is not a scam, although, there are reports of scammers prowling the forums. I read tips on how to avoid such scammers, and how to bid against verified agencies and create a lucrative profile.

I’ve done the research and am now selecting very specific agencies to work with. I have not had any of my five proposals accepted, yet (one was denied because they hired someone else with a lower rate). I really can’t say if I like it or not as of now because I haven’t worked with an agency, but it is kind of like Facebook. You look through the app when you’re bored and happen upon interesting tid-bits as you scroll through the feed. I’m not sure whether this will be a worthwhile venture, but it never hurts to try, right?

I’ll keep you posted on this endeavor!

Grieving Cycle: Numb

Is numb part of the grieving cycle? I went through denial quickly then depression. Now, I literally feel dried up of tears and emotions. People give their condolences, and at first, I would lose it, but now, I just feel numb. Hearing her name hurts, but I have no tears. Saying her name crushes me because it’ll never be to get her attention again, but I can’t feel it. My nerve endings feel dull as if they had been seared by this pain. My brain feels short circuited as concentration has become a fond memory. I feel broken.

The only way I keep it together these days is by knowing my daughter still needs her mom, and that my husband still needs his wife. My daughter doesn’t need a blubbering mess of a mother, nor does my husband need a hyperventilating shrew. These two people are my main concern right now because I have to take care of them, but what they will never understand is that they are the glue to my pieces.

Without my amazing husband, I wouldn’t know what to do with myself. He has held me as I sobbed, wiped my tears away and kissed me gently. He has been my rock during my rage as I think of the circumstance in which I lost my best friend. He has been there for me during my grief, and I couldn’t thank him enough because I’m sure he is going through it, too.

My daughter has kept me grounded. The responsibility of taking care of her and keeping to the routine has kept me from flying off the deep-end. Her little smiles and big hugs have lifted my heart from its collapse and promised me that even though I feel the loss deep within me that it will be OK. She is my reason for smiling, for laughing, for making it through my day.

Without either of the two most important people in my life, I can’t say that I would be sitting her writing this out to share with others. Without my little family, I don’t what I would do during this time of sadness. I thank God every day for what he has given me, and now I include in my prayers the time I was able to spend with a dear friend. Even though I may seem like I am keeping it together, it is only because these two people are holding me up.

As I take solace in my little family, I know I will always love and miss my friend. I just hope that I can one day say her name without feeling like I am falling to pieces only to be held together by the glue of my husband and

I love you, KAK. You will forever be in my heart.

However far away
I will always love you
However long I stay
I will always love you
Whatever words I say
I will always love you
I will always love you

311 – Love Song

Lost Time Is Never Found Again

I’ve been on a deep kind of post kick recently. I blame it on my daughter. When you become a parent, it seems like that is when you really start to view the world differently. You go from someone who takes responsibility as it comes like Huckleberry Fin to someone who feels as if all responsibility is resting on your shoulders like Atlas attempting to hold up the world. It can be maddening how much you begin to worry about silly things that were never a concern before like food selection or toothbrushes.

22It is only a very tiny, little smile that keeps you from plummeting off the edge of anxiety. A tiny, little giggle that swells your heart to let you know that you are making the right decisions. A tiny, little person who will wrap their arms so tightly around your neck in a heartbreakingly sweet hug. That tiny, little person that you fuss so much over to make sure they have everything they need or want in the world which seems to being spinning incessantly is exactly who keeps you firmly planted and moving in a straight line.

Time is more valuable than money. You can get more money, but you cannot get more time. – Jim Rohn

I wish I could spend my days with her. I wish I could be there for her every waking moment, but isn’t that everyone’s wish.

For more time.

It’s the one thing in this world that you can never get more of. It’s constantly ticking, constantly moving and counting down the very seconds of our lives. There is never a break in time, so we will never get a moment back even with all the money in the world.file0002029315062

Some people will argue that the real need/want in everyone’s life is time and money, but that just doesn’t seem right. Money is a real, tangible object where time isn’t. Money can be earned, can be spent, and can be earned back again in a constant circular flow, but time is linear in a single direction. You cannot earn more time. You cannot spend it, or make it go any faster. You certainly cannot gain it back.

Time is the one thing in my life that I think I will always wish I had more of. Sure, money would be nice, but more time to spend with my daughter, my husband, or other loved ones is what I will always want.

Lost time is never found again. – Benjamin Franklin