Call me Mommy pt. 7

The sweetest sound in the world to the thirsty eyes and ears of a parent is a child excitedly calling their name with the biggest smile their little cheeks can hold.

Five days without seeing my girl. Four nights without bedtime kisses. It’s a barren state of being when your reason for existing isn’t readily at your side. 

I’m being dramatic, but hey, I’m a fiction writer. 

It feels like so long since I have seen my baby girl, hardly a baby now at almost three years old, but the moment we walk through the door to pick her up from her grandparents, that smile, that hug, those kisses, make the world tilt right side up again.

“Mommy!” She yells. “Dahey!”

We need to work on pronouncing our D’s, but it’s the most beautiful thing I have ever heard.

I would do anything for that little smile, and those hugs are enough to melt you through. I finally feel whole again, and now, it’s beack to the old routine! Plus or minus a few sleepless nights as punishment for being gone so long.

Pride and Parenting

​Umm, what just happened here?

My daughter who is now two years old just asked to be put right in bed after good night kisses. She gave hugs and pointed at her bed and said “crib”. She’s now asleep, and I’m kind of at a loss. 

From nursing her to sleep, rocking, then just cuddles to now. I’m a little heartbroken and relieved. Relieved that I didn’t ruin her potential sleep independence and that I may no longer have to spend hours trying to put her to sleep. At the same time, I’m heartbroken because she doesn’t need me for this small piece of her life anymore.

Is this how parenting is throughout your kid’s life? Happy when they prove you raised them right, but sad when they don’t need you like they used to?

Mind you, the night before we had only maybe slept four hours because little miss decided to wake up in the middle of the night and not go back to sleep. Even during those following days of similar nights, she would still want us to stay with her in her room, cuddling, until she fell asleep. 

This night is new, and the start of a new milestone for her, I’m sure of it. I’m just as sure that there will be setbacks, each of which I will cherish preciously knowing they too will come to an end, but this new step has really brought another secret of parenting no one shares with you to light.

I used to think pride was a seven deadly sin, and in some forms I think it could still be one, but now I know, it’s a parents greatest attribute. 

We are so proud of our children as they grow and master even the smallest skills, but it is also that pride that keeps us seemingly strong when we want to breakdown with the realization that our children will one day no longer need us as drastically as they do now. It’s our pride that gets us through the tough years, days, and hours. It’s how big our heart swells and breaks at the same time when we look at the achievements of our children. 

Here I am, sobbing over the fact that my two year old no longer needs me to put her to sleep anymore because I am so proud of her, but it’s my pride that is keeping me somewhat together and elated that she is growing into an independent child.

I’ll definitely be hugging her a little tighter in the morning. It’ll be all too soon that I’ll become embarrassing, and my pride might not save me then.

Insomnia..

bedI’m feeling a bit like The Walking Dead again lately, and I guess it is appropriate with the season change and all, but man, insomnia is kicking my butt. I try each night to at least get six hours of solid sleep because eight would just be striving too high, but with a toddler fighting colds and teething her last round of baby teeth for a while (I hope), even six at times is unattainable, especially in a solid form. Broken sleep patterns and lying in my bed staring at the ceiling, begging the sandman to drown me in his sleeping sand, are the new norm since I have become a parent, but I didn’t realize just how bad it was until I stumbled haphazardly onto this wonderful vat of knowledge.

New parents don’t get jack for sleep! Well, duh, but did you realize how little you were actually getting in this little one’s first year of life? New parents experience a sleep loss of 20.3 hours per week, making up 1,055.6 hours lost in the first year of a child’s life – equivalent to 44 days. New Parents Lose 44 Days of Sleep in Baby’s First Year

44 DAYS!!

Bet you won’t find that in any of those wonderful pregnancy and baby books! I’m telling you, if they would make these facts known to not only adults, but teens practicing unsafe sex, the birthrate would drop tremendously! There is so much that people don’t tell you about pregnancy, birth, and raising a child. I swear, it’s like some sick joke of those who experience it before you that they don’t tell you everything just because they want to see you suffer through it, too. Misery loves company!

The lack of sleep is kicking in, and I’m finding myself ranting, but 44 days!!

Then I remember those beautiful blue eyes, perfect button nose, and the goofiest smile I have ever seen, and losing 44 days of sleep, 44 days of my eyes closed and not being with my beautiful little girl, is completely worth it. I’ll take 44 days of memories with her over 44 days of unconsciousness any day.baby

Well, maybe just give me four of those days back? Make it an even 40? Darn you, insomnia.