Grow, Little Girl – a poem

My daughter, you are growing.

You aren’t a baby anymore.

And while I long for those days,

Holding you in my arms,

Staring into your wondering eyes,

I have never felt so connected to you.

You are growing, my sweet,

Into a beautiful little girl

Full of life, love, and happiness.

You amaze me with your smart mind

And strong heart.

I have no doubt you will do big things.

Promise me, my brave girl,

That you will not be afraid to become

The woman I know you can be.

I will always be here.

I will always stretch my arms wide

And protect you from the world,

But it is the world who needs you now.

When you are ready,

I hope you grow, little girl,

And take on this world,

For your determined heart and strong mind

Will be the strength it needs to

Grow.

The First Word by Isley Robson – Book Review

To stay sane, Andie Tilly must keep her mind on her work. Her job as a pediatric occupational therapist is the perfect distraction from the unspeakable tragedy she experienced as a child. But when she meets alternative-energy magnate Rhys Griffiths and his autistic toddler, Will, she quickly realizes her heart will never be the same. Especially when her name becomes Will’s first word.

 

After accepting a position as a live-in therapist for Will, Andie steels herself against the appeal of the disconcertingly attractive—and attracted—Rhys. But their chemistry can no longer be denied, and their heated affair seems destined for happily ever after. A destiny Andie’s terrified to embrace.

When Andie’s guilt, Rhys’s awkwardness, and the abrupt appearance of an erratic ex threaten to dismantle their delicately blooming relationship, they must decide if love is worth the challenge. Can Andie and Rhys find their way back to each other? Or will the demons of the past simply prove too strong?Read More »

Movie Review: The Girl On The Train

Baby spent the night with her grandparents, so mommy and daddy had a pizza, movie, wine and beer night. I’m wine, he’s beer. Overall, a very healthy evening. (Back to that whole: Weight Loss or Pizza bit.) It’s been a while since we have been able to catch up on the latest cinema hits, so this may be a bit late, but I had to share my feelings on The Girl On The Train. This may start to read like a rant, so you have been warned.

girl-on-the-train-new-trailerIMdB: The Girl on the Train is the story of Rachel Watson’s life post-divorce. Every day, she takes the train in to work in New York, and every day the train passes by her old house. The house she lived in with her husband, who still lives there, with his new wife and child. As she attempts to not focus on her pain, she starts watching a couple who live a few houses down — Megan and Scott Hipwell. She creates a wonderful dream life for them in her head, about how they are a perfect happy family. And then one day, as the train passes, she sees something shocking, filling her with rage. The next day, she wakes up with a horrible hangover, various wounds and bruises, and no memory of the night before. She has only a feeling: something bad happened. Then come the TV reports: Megan Hipwell is missing. Rachel becomes invested in the case and trying to find out what happened to Megan, where she is, and what exactly she herself was up to that same night Megan went missing.

***SPOILER ALERT***YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED***Read More »

Becoming A Mother – For My Daughter

When life was easy, I came and went as I pleased.party
When life was easy, I never worried about a thing.
I could get up and go at the drop of a hat.
I could stay out all night and sleep in till noon.
I never cared what anyone thought.
My main goal was to make me happy.
I partied too much, drank too much, made mistakes that I’m not proud of, but never had to worry about someone to answer to.

When life was easy, responsibility was simple.
When life was easy, I took care of me.
I could go a little crazy or forget about everything, but it really wouldn’t matter to anyone but me.
I could get a tattoo or piercing on any old whim.
I could go to a hockey game without notice.
I could eat fast food every day of the week, and none of it mattered to anyone but me.

When life was easy, most days were the same.
When life was easy, nothing really changed.
Work during the week; partying and sleeping late on the weekends.
I could always count on the same people to do the same thing day in and out.
I could always count on the same old routine.
And it all fit so perfectly in the monotony of when life was easy.

Now, life is different in a way I couldn’t have imagined.
Now, life is altered into something I never foresaw.
Now, life is hard.

Now that you’re here, life is hard.
Now that you’re here, I have to be accountable for my whereabouts.
I have to do certain things at certain times.
I have to be up early then in bed early.
I have to care what someone else thinks.
My main goal now is to make you happy because now it all matters to someone that isn’t me.

Now that you’re here, responsibility is difficult.
Now that you’re here, I have to take care of you.
I have sometimes felt like I’m not doing this right, and now it matters to someone that isn’t me.
I have not gotten a tattoo or piercing in a few years.
I have to make plans in order to go out.
I have to live healthy and buy organic food because now it all matters to someone that isn’t me.

Now that you’re here, every day is different.
Now that you’re here, everything has changed.
My life revolves around you each and every moment.
I have to be there for you because I know you need me.
I have to help you learn this world as much as I can.
And it all fits so perfectly in the constant changes of our lives because now something matters to someone that isn’t me.baby

My life was full of nothing before you were born.
My life was empty as I went through the motions.
Now my life has meaning as I walk alongside you.
Now my life consists of helping you through.
I love you more than anything, my daughter.
And now that life is hard, I do everything for you.
And now that life is worth living, it’s all because of you.

Lost Time Is Never Found Again

I’ve been on a deep kind of post kick recently. I blame it on my daughter. When you become a parent, it seems like that is when you really start to view the world differently. You go from someone who takes responsibility as it comes like Huckleberry Fin to someone who feels as if all responsibility is resting on your shoulders like Atlas attempting to hold up the world. It can be maddening how much you begin to worry about silly things that were never a concern before like food selection or toothbrushes.

22It is only a very tiny, little smile that keeps you from plummeting off the edge of anxiety. A tiny, little giggle that swells your heart to let you know that you are making the right decisions. A tiny, little person who will wrap their arms so tightly around your neck in a heartbreakingly sweet hug. That tiny, little person that you fuss so much over to make sure they have everything they need or want in the world which seems to being spinning incessantly is exactly who keeps you firmly planted and moving in a straight line.

Time is more valuable than money. You can get more money, but you cannot get more time. – Jim Rohn

I wish I could spend my days with her. I wish I could be there for her every waking moment, but isn’t that everyone’s wish.

For more time.

It’s the one thing in this world that you can never get more of. It’s constantly ticking, constantly moving and counting down the very seconds of our lives. There is never a break in time, so we will never get a moment back even with all the money in the world.file0002029315062

Some people will argue that the real need/want in everyone’s life is time and money, but that just doesn’t seem right. Money is a real, tangible object where time isn’t. Money can be earned, can be spent, and can be earned back again in a constant circular flow, but time is linear in a single direction. You cannot earn more time. You cannot spend it, or make it go any faster. You certainly cannot gain it back.

Time is the one thing in my life that I think I will always wish I had more of. Sure, money would be nice, but more time to spend with my daughter, my husband, or other loved ones is what I will always want.

Lost time is never found again. – Benjamin Franklin

To Nap or Not to Nap?

All is quiet in the Chamberlin household at the moment. Naptime has set over its tenants, and they sleep blissfully in peace as their bodies recoup from an adventure to the ever treacherous mall. A baby girl, no more than a year, sleeps soundly in her crib with white noise playing overhead. A young man, the father of the babe, curls into the sheets, cocooning himself in their warmth as he settles further into unconsciousness. All is quiet and subdued in this home, except for one.

Have you ever heard the story of Goldilocks and the Three Bears? story_goldilocks1Assuming you have, it is a running joke among mothers who empathize with Mother Bear and her cold porridge, reasoning that mothers must do for all others in the household before taking care of themselves. I just saw a meme this morning about a wife asking her husband to take care of something and his response was that he had to go to the bathroom, so she did it herself.

My point is not to bash my husband or others, fathers, or men in general. I’m simply contemplating the fact that even though I could use the nap as well, and even though I currently have a million things running through my head that need to be done in order to keep the house clean, its occupants clothed, and a list of necessary items to be purchased in order to get us through the week, why I don’t just put it off for a few hours and sleep? Is anything that I am thinking or doing so urgent that it can’t wait while I lay my head down for a much needed siesta?

In all reality I can answer that question very easily. Yes, all of it can wait, but can I choose to put it off? No. Maybe it is my over-achieving personality, or maybe I’m just too stubborn to think that what I do isn’t so dire that it can wait a few hours, but for whatever reason, in my mind, these things need to get done.

So here I am, writing a blog post about how much I want to sleep rather than actually doing it because I believe posting is more important than sleep. Just like half an hour ago when I was cleaning my kitchen because I couldn’t stand to look at it in disarray any longer rather than sleeping. Just like an hour before that I loaded and unloaded the dishwasher and put away my daughter’s clean clothes rather than closing my eyes for a bit.

With all of these more important items to do than doing what I actually want to, I am starting to believe that maybe we mothers shouldn’t sympathize Mother Bear and her cold porridge, but should try to emulate Father Bear. Maybe instead we should force ourselves to realize that we are our own worst enemies. The laundry can wait; the dishes, too. Instead of thinking of all the things we deem too important to put on the back burner should come before ourselves, maybe we should put them where they belong. Let them simmer at the back of the stove and come back to them when we have taken care of ourselves. Maybe we should take a page out of a man’s book and put ourselves first because I promise it will all be there when you wake up.

Here are my little sleep deprived thoughts for the weekend. I believe I have about half an hour before my daughter and husband wake up from their nap, so maybe I should close my eyes for a quick catnap. Just a brief brush with oblivion to help me get through the rest of the day to complete more tasks from my list.

Nah, I think I’ll get back to it.