To Grieve or To Mourn

migraineWith the sudden passing of one of the best friends two years ago, I have come to find that there is no right or wrong way to grieve or mourn. There is no appropriate set amount of time. There is no reason to tell anyone or to not tell everyone. How ever someone decides to cope with the sense of loss within their lives is entirely up to the individual. The thought of another anniversary of that day has brought these thoughts to the forefront of my mind because even two years later, I still grieve and mourn for the loss of my friend.

While in the throes of my mourning, I started to contemplate what grieving versus mourning really meant. Obviously, loss, sadness, emotional and mental suffering with possible physical pain, but I started to think of their actual definition and wondered if there was a significant difference in the two. What do you know? There is.

Dictionary.com says, “Grieve is the stronger word, implying deep mental suffering often endured alone and in silence but revealed by one’s aspect: to grieve over the loss (or death) of a friend. Mourn usually refers to manifesting sorrow outwardly, either with or without sincerity: to mourn publicly and wear black.”

So, I did what made sense to me. I categorized myself into a group based on the way I deal with the loss of my friend. I believe there are three types of people when it comes to feelings of loss. These types are points on a line spectrum, so there are those who may lean a little from the main point, but I’m sure most can find themselves closer to one point than another.

Boisterous Wailers

These are people who weep loudly for all to hear. They don’t care who is around, or where they are. When the mood strikes them, they will belt out their frustration with whatever sorrow has found them and force whoever or whatever is around them to feel and look the same. They throw things. They scream and curse everyone. These are the types of people who refuse to go through their pain alone, so the world will hear them during their pain.

Silent Sufferers

We all know these types of people. They are the kind who refuse to let anyone in during a time of loss. They push everyone away and insist they are dealing with their suffering when in reality, it weighs on them every moment of every day as they make their way silently through their new world of loss. You may never see these people act out, let alone discuss it. They see the world as full of pain, so why would anyone want to hear about theirs.

Hybrid Comfort Finders

I like to think I have developed a sense of the middle ground between the two aforementioned types of individuals. There are days where I just try to make it through, and there are days where I need help. There are days where I hope the neighbors don’t come to check on me and days where I can smile regardless of my heart breaking. All the days in between, the ones where I don’t believe I lean from this center ground, I find comfort in the beauty of my life. I hug my husband and daughter a little tighter. I eat an extra piece of chocolate, or watch a favorite movie. I find the things that make me happy, and for those few moments, the pain isn’t so heavy, and the world isn’t as dark.

Grieving, mourning; it’s all the same sense of loss. It’s how you make it through the day that matters.

Insomniac Rambling – Love and Greed

To be enough for someone in a world full of greed is everything.

No! Just, no!

I saw this on Instagram as a poem someone wrote (not sure who posted it, can’t find it again), and I just need to say no. No, this is wrong. So wrong you can’t make enough U-turns to make it right. Just wrong!

I can see someone attempting to make the argument that maybe they are talking about love. Love is selfless. Love is about giving your all and then some to allow the person you have the feelings for to flourish with you. Love is the opposite of greed, therefore, to have found someone who wants to give you all of themselves is a gift not to be squandered. I get it. I dig it. You’re on the right track, but the first sentence in this post does not capture the idea of unselfish love.

The first sentence goes wrong the moment it assumes you weren’t enough for someone, anyone, in this world. You are always enough! It’s just up to the other person to see it, to know your value as much as you know your own worth.

Next, I read this sentence to say that your measurement in a person’s life is in your control. Again, this is wrong. It ties into the first part, but let me dig a little deeper. Greed is a terrible affliction. Nothing is ever enough. So, to say that you should be able to measure up to that amount of endless wanting, to be able to compete with the constant yearning, and possibly be greater than the desire for more in someone else is completely out of your control. Not only do you have to selflessly give yourself over to the one you love, but they in kind must also forget all pretenses and expectations in a world of over consumption and gluttony and share their selfless love, too.

Finally, to say that finding someone who may hold you higher than all other wants and needs is everything is horribly cheap. I would never want someone who wants me more than some goal or objective they may be trying to obtain. One day, those things they once ignored may suddenly float higher than your pedastool, and then your everything is now your barely something. Only when love holds it’s own category, it’s on permanent residence in two people’s lives will that love be everything.

Go to bed, Lindsay. I know. 🙂

Last Day: Alyeska – Free Ebook on Amazon

alyeskacoverFinal call to all looking for their next book boyfriend or armchair adventure! Download your free copy of Alyeska on Amazon today! Hurry quick, this deal is just about gone. Grab your ebook and snuggle up!

Alyeska is a second chance romance for Ben and Kayleigh. Born and raised in the deep South of Texas, Kayleigh knew nothing about real snow and a winter breeze that can cut through you, but her journey to the tundra of Alaska was about more than a ski trip on the fresh powder. After a painful past, this weekend adventure was supposed to put her back into the world of dating. She’s determined to do it! Only she never imaged having to face her dark memories so soon. It shouldn’t have happened this way. It shouldn’t feel like a repeat! Then a voice, the most miraculously commanding voice she has ever heard echoed through her mind and rescued her from another horrid memory. He saved her, but Kayleigh will soon find out, he needs saving, too.

Would you like to read the first two chapters of Alyeska? Click me!

Free Ebook: Alyeska

alyeskacoverAnd we are live! Coming to you from my very own website, here to announce my latest novel Alyeska is ready for your reading enjoyment via ebook reader, and all you have to do is download your free copy today! Hurry quick, this deal won’t last, and by won’t, I mean come Friday, 8/24, this deal is going, going, gone! Grab your copy today!

Whew. If I really had to say all of that out loud, I would have fumbled over every word and gave up at FREE EBOOK! My husband always makes fun of me when I try to say something fast, so I’m sure he would be on the floor laughing so hard at me with this one. Guess that’s why I’m a writer and not an actor.

Anyways! I hope you enjoy Alyeska, the steamy winter romance between Ben and Kayleigh in the Alaskan mountains at the luxurious Alyeska Ski Resort and Spa as they fight their past in hopes for a second chance in life. You may laugh. You may cry. But what I hope most is you melt within their whirlwind romance!

Would you like to read the first two chapters of Alyeska? Click me!

Alyeska – Free Ebook 8/20

There is so much happening right now, I don’t even know where to start! My birth month has me in such a phenomenal mood. My true Leo instincts are strong and flowing. I’m just ready to burst with how much hard work I’ve put into my writing and overly excited to share it all with you! alyeskacover

  1. Starting Monday, 8/20, my third self-published novel Alyeska will be a FREE ebook for five days only! That’s right! The beauty of the Alaskan mountains, the warmth of a budding romance, the irresistibility of a second chance in life, all bundled in one amazing novel will be yours for FREE. Don’t miss out! See below for an excerpt of Alyeska!
  2. I have finished part one of a three part series that I am calling Guardians – a Touched By Light series. It does have new adult romantic moments, but the focus in this novel is the paranormal aspect. Out of my norm, I know, but once I started on this project, I haven’t been able to stop! I am hoping to have a cover reveal soon! Until then, please enjoy my three written works already available for your reading pleasure.

Grab your copy of Alyeska on 8/20! The Alyeska Ski Resort and Spa awaits your arrival as Ben and Kayleigh fight for their second chance at life. Click below for the first two chapters in their story!

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Everything happens for a reason.

I believe things happen for a reason, but I don’t believe in predestination. Sounds a little confusing I know, but life is much more colorful than black and white. I believe in the gray that allows us to make our own decisions. Decisions that shape many different paths that we may walk of our own freewill, but ultimately lead to another fork in the road.

All this to say, there was absolutely a reason I didn’t get to post anything yesterday as I typically do. And I believe that reason was because of the dream I had last night.

If you know me, you know I’m not a real emotional person such that I don’t cry in certain scenarios other women might. I have gotten a bit softer in the recent years and have cried at silly things like a movie or song, but I attribute that to crazy hormones more than anything.

Well, after my dream last night, I’m just a crazy mess. I’m having a horrible morning between spilled breakfast and making a mess preparing my lunch. My clothes don’t match, and my hair is a mess. But I’m at work, trying to make it through the day and forget about the feelings my dream has dredged up.

In 2015, my grandmother passed away after battling breast cancer for a year. I had taken her to her first appointment when the oncologist first met with her about treatment. The entire battle was hard, but she fought just as hard.

Last night, what I can remember of the dream, she was in it. She was talking to me, but I can’t remember what about. I do remember feeling sad, but she hugged me and told me she loved me. I held her tighter and started to cry, and that is all I remember.

I think I missed posting yesterday so I could get this off my chest. I find solace in writing, more so than just talking it out. This is my way of getting it off my chest, and I am glad I waited until today to do it.

I miss my grandmother, but I am glad I got to see her in my dreams.

Warm-hearted vs. Soft-hearted

While at work, a few of my coworkers and I were asked to find words that best described ourselves. Two of these words caught my attention as they could surely be argued as synonymous with one another, but I feel as if there is a very large distinction between the two: warm-hearted and soft-hearted.

Warm-hearted to me means kind, friendly, and empathetic. It means caring about people and treating them with respect when they show the same kindness. It would involve genuinely feeling for someone, not in unison with someone, but in reaction to another’s feelings.

Soft-hearted to me means overly nice, emotionally involved, and overly sympathetic. Instead of understanding and seeking to support people, soft-hearted people would experience the pain with them and become weaker for it. 

Being soft-hearted to me means you allow another to burden you with their pain or weakness. Your friend is going through a bad break-up, your heart breaks, too. You watch a sad commercial or movie and are in tears.

If you were warm-hearted, you’d build that friend back up again, be strong for them, and help them through the rough time. If you saw a sad commercial for ASPCA, you’d go out and adopt a pet, or donate your time and/or money to the cause. You wouldn’t allow it to affect you negatively, but use it as a driver for something positive.

Soft-hearted, while still needed in some situations in the world, I’m sure, is not where I would categorize myself. Warm-hearted is much more like it.