a light in dark times.
a path forward.
an open heart.
understanding of others.
not to remain in the past,
but to avoid mistakes in the
a light in dark times.
a path forward.
an open heart.
understanding of others.
not to remain in the past,
but to avoid mistakes in the
I’ll look out at the workd
And see what I feel reflected in me.
There will be peace
At the very least,
There will be more kind hearts,
Everywhere you look.
I have faith,
It is the 7th wedding anniversary for my husband and me. Seven years married, and a lifetime to go. It’s interesting now to think back on the advice we have been given throughout our years together.
“Never go to bed angry.”
“Share the load.”
“Oh, you won’t be doing that for much longer!”
All of it was taken with a grain of salt because not a single person knows what goes on in some other couple’s relationship. Regardless of how close the outsider might be to the couple, they will never understand what it is like to be in your relationship with your significant other.
However, there is some sound advise out there. Not all of it should fall on deaf ears.
But, does advise ever grow old? Is there a time limit for the value of the advice? Does it grow stale over years, or lose its potency? Does it keep forever regardless of when it was given?
The best marriage advice I have ever read can be found in an article from a writer in 1886 named Jane Wells.
“Let your love be stronger than your hate and anger.”
Man, of they entire world doesn’t need that lesson right now, no matter the marital status. Letting hate and anger fester does nothing but foster more hate and anger. Only love can heal. True for life and marriage.
“Learn the wisdom of comprise…”
Another life lesson, but I feel this so truly for marriage as well. No one agrees with another individual completely on every topic known to man. And, if they do, they may need to take a journey to discover themselves. Find what really matters to them, and understand their own mind.
“Believe the best…”
Because the worst is sometimes an imagined doubt rather than truth. Give the benefit of the doubt. Innocent until proven guilty.
“…living up or down to opinions.”
Set the bar high. Demand what you want, but be ready to compromise and be surprised.
The basis of any marriage should be friendship. The couple should have a foundational bond of fondness toward each other, which will serve to keep them from falling apart. Friendships may be tested, but it is the connection between the two people that will endure.
“…hand this down to your children..”
Because the more things change, the more they become the “new norm”.
Finally, I leave you with this.
I have loved a man with my entire heart for over 15 years, and dedicated the rest of my life to loving him 7 years ago. It has been hard, full of compromises, times of anger, but the love we share is worth it. The relationship we have is everything to me because we keep surprising each other.
Happy anniversary, babe!
In the past few months, I have learned some very hard lessons. Ones that I don’t think I was ready for. They came like a shockwave, jolting my entire system and shattering everything around me. Honestly, I’m still going through most of it, trying to make sense of it, but I’ve absorbed it as much as I can.
A few highlights:
– Try to listen first. There is a time to talk and a time to listen. Sometimes, just listening is all that is needed. Sometimes, your opinions don’t matter. There will be occasions when your words are needed, but try to listen first.
– Taking care of yourself is just as important as taking care of anyone else. I struggled with deep depression as a teen. It was dark and all consuming, but I made it through with help from others. I can’t imagine what may have happened to me if they hadn’t been there, hadn’t been strong enough to help me. I came close to sinking back into that familiar darkness recently, but the will to find my happiness brought me back. I’ve realized that no matter what is happening in my life, if I want to help those around me, I have to take care of myself first.
– Never take peace for granted. Whether you notice it or not, everyone strives to have peace in at least one aspect of their lives. Work, home, hobbies; some part of their lives. When every part of life seems chaotic, that sliver of peace is the safe haven a person can curl up in and recoup. Never, ever take that solace for granted. Cherish it completely!
– Love will always triumph over fear. I know it sounds very Frozen movie-ish, and I do have a five year old daughter who loves those movies, but it’s true! Love is the greatest weapon, the ultimate conquerer of fear. As life throws me around in this unforgiving sea of fear, I am holding on to the one anchor I know is always there. Love is stronger than fear.
I’ve been learning these lessons hard recently, and I am taking heed. If nothing else, these past few months have given me such clarity in these four aspects of my life, for the rest of my life. I just truly hope life can finally come to a place of peace for a while.
The most ridiculous thing to ever be thought of is a themed gift for an anniversary. Half of them don’t even make sense. Take year 6 for example. This year, there is a choice between candy, for sweetness, or iron, for strength. Who in the world sat down and thought, for my sixth anniversary, I want a Snickers and an anvil. Asinine!
Now, I can understand twenty-five, silver, and fifty, gold, because of our make it to those, you deserve all the riches in he world! But all the others are silly. Why does it matter? Why is there an actual list of gifts that you should get your beloved based on how long you’ve been together? What if Becky is allergic to chocolate, and Tim hates metal working? Their anniversary is ruined because they followed a list!
I digress, and move to the real point and purpose of this post. My sixth wedding anniversary is coming up. Honestly, it pales in comparison to how long we have been together in total, but I was hoping to make this year special above the rest until I saw candy or iron.
Before I hop back on that soapbox, I don’t believe I will give my husband any of the suggested, more traditional gifts, but instead, a gift tailored specifically to the man I know and love. That’s what should matter. I know my husband, and I am celebrating choosing him over anyone else, and I will do it the best way I know how, without the support of a crazy list.
Happy Anniversary, babe! I love you more!
I honestly can’t say, exactly. Life has taken me where it pleases and where I am displeased. There are the things I love doing, and things I have to do. I am finding more moments of enjoyment during the long days of animus, but they are too far and few between.
One day, I’ll find the time to enjoy what I love more. One day, I’ll be able to do what I want rather than fill an obligation. If it wasn’t for the only cause that matters in my life, I’d start now. But today, and the next, and the foreseeable days to come, I’ll think of the one day that I will be able to do what I love.
I hope you are enjoying your day with loved ones, and finding the romance in your life. Even if you’re not and want to wear black today to honor the demise of your love life, take heart and know that love has all different forms. Someone in this world loves you. I promise you that!
I also want to take a minute to express to women the responsibility that I believe we ignore on such occasions. Not just Valentine’s Day, but most relationship rooted events like anniversaries. It is not solely your significant other’s job to celebrate the day by showering you with kindness in the form of gifts or other presentations of their affection. We must also do the same. Didn’t your momma ever say do unto others as you want done unto you, or something like that?
Take the initiative this Valentine’s Day, ladies, and surprise your man with a big red heart filled with chocolate. Bring him a bouquet of flowers, or donuts, or whatever he’s into. It take two to be in a relationship, and if he isn’t getting any special treatment for the day, why do you believe that you should?
Food for thought. That is all.
With the sudden passing of one of the best friends two years ago, I have come to find that there is no right or wrong way to grieve or mourn. There is no appropriate set amount of time. There is no reason to tell anyone or to not tell everyone. How ever someone decides to cope with the sense of loss within their lives is entirely up to the individual. The thought of another anniversary of that day has brought these thoughts to the forefront of my mind because even two years later, I still grieve and mourn for the loss of my friend.
While in the throes of my mourning, I started to contemplate what grieving versus mourning really meant. Obviously, loss, sadness, emotional and mental suffering with possible physical pain, but I started to think of their actual definition and wondered if there was a significant difference in the two. What do you know? There is.
Dictionary.com says, “Grieve is the stronger word, implying deep mental suffering often endured alone and in silence but revealed by one’s aspect: to grieve over the loss (or death) of a friend. Mourn usually refers to manifesting sorrow outwardly, either with or without sincerity: to mourn publicly and wear black.”
So, I did what made sense to me. I categorized myself into a group based on the way I deal with the loss of my friend. I believe there are three types of people when it comes to feelings of loss. These types are points on a line spectrum, so there are those who may lean a little from the main point, but I’m sure most can find themselves closer to one point than another.
These are people who weep loudly for all to hear. They don’t care who is around, or where they are. When the mood strikes them, they will belt out their frustration with whatever sorrow has found them and force whoever or whatever is around them to feel and look the same. They throw things. They scream and curse everyone. These are the types of people who refuse to go through their pain alone, so the world will hear them during their pain.
We all know these types of people. They are the kind who refuse to let anyone in during a time of loss. They push everyone away and insist they are dealing with their suffering when in reality, it weighs on them every moment of every day as they make their way silently through their new world of loss. You may never see these people act out, let alone discuss it. They see the world as full of pain, so why would anyone want to hear about theirs.
Hybrid Comfort Finders
I like to think I have developed a sense of the middle ground between the two aforementioned types of individuals. There are days where I just try to make it through, and there are days where I need help. There are days where I hope the neighbors don’t come to check on me and days where I can smile regardless of my heart breaking. All the days in between, the ones where I don’t believe I lean from this center ground, I find comfort in the beauty of my life. I hug my husband and daughter a little tighter. I eat an extra piece of chocolate, or watch a favorite movie. I find the things that make me happy, and for those few moments, the pain isn’t so heavy, and the world isn’t as dark.
Grieving, mourning; it’s all the same sense of loss. It’s how you make it through the day that matters.
To be enough for someone in a world full of greed is everything.
No! Just, no!
I saw this on Instagram as a poem someone wrote (not sure who posted it, can’t find it again), and I just need to say no. No, this is wrong. So wrong you can’t make enough U-turns to make it right. Just wrong!
I can see someone attempting to make the argument that maybe they are talking about love. Love is selfless. Love is about giving your all and then some to allow the person you have the feelings for to flourish with you. Love is the opposite of greed, therefore, to have found someone who wants to give you all of themselves is a gift not to be squandered. I get it. I dig it. You’re on the right track, but the first sentence in this post does not capture the idea of unselfish love.
The first sentence goes wrong the moment it assumes you weren’t enough for someone, anyone, in this world. You are always enough! It’s just up to the other person to see it, to know your value as much as you know your own worth.
Next, I read this sentence to say that your measurement in a person’s life is in your control. Again, this is wrong. It ties into the first part, but let me dig a little deeper. Greed is a terrible affliction. Nothing is ever enough. So, to say that you should be able to measure up to that amount of endless wanting, to be able to compete with the constant yearning, and possibly be greater than the desire for more in someone else is completely out of your control. Not only do you have to selflessly give yourself over to the one you love, but they in kind must also forget all pretenses and expectations in a world of over consumption and gluttony and share their selfless love, too.
Finally, to say that finding someone who may hold you higher than all other wants and needs is everything is horribly cheap. I would never want someone who wants me more than some goal or objective they may be trying to obtain. One day, those things they once ignored may suddenly float higher than your pedastool, and then your everything is now your barely something. Only when love holds it’s own category, it’s on permanent residence in two people’s lives will that love be everything.
Go to bed, Lindsay. I know. 🙂
Final call to all looking for their next book boyfriend or armchair adventure! Download your free copy of Alyeska on Amazon today! Hurry quick, this deal is just about gone. Grab your ebook and snuggle up!
Alyeska is a second chance romance for Ben and Kayleigh. Born and raised in the deep South of Texas, Kayleigh knew nothing about real snow and a winter breeze that can cut through you, but her journey to the tundra of Alaska was about more than a ski trip on the fresh powder. After a painful past, this weekend adventure was supposed to put her back into the world of dating. She’s determined to do it! Only she never imaged having to face her dark memories so soon. It shouldn’t have happened this way. It shouldn’t feel like a repeat! Then a voice, the most miraculously commanding voice she has ever heard echoed through her mind and rescued her from another horrid memory. He saved her, but Kayleigh will soon find out, he needs saving, too.
Would you like to read the first two chapters of Alyeska? Click me!