Family Values

I’ve become such a bleeding heart when it comes to children. I believe they deserve so much better than what they are given at times, and I wish I could help them all! My maternal insticts are so strong and kick in so hard whenever a situation includes children. 

My husband and I were watching a movie the other day, and the child was treated poorly. It literally broke my heart! If you know me, you know I’m not much of a crier, but I bawled like a baby! Silly hormones! They are just so innocent, and if given a chance, they could accomplish so much.

People are so concerned with the adults in any given situation. Like, oh, Tom and June are getting divorced, or Mark and Mary are going through a hard time. If there are children involved, I think the conversation should look more like: are Timmy and Julie doing well with the divorce? Are Mikey and Missy getting enough to eat?

When did family values start to exclude the well-being of the child? And when did Hollywood start exploiting the subtraction of the total members of the family until? When did we stop noticing, or stop caring?

I hope true family values come back in style. These children are the future, and they deserve the best chance at making this world a better place.

Marriage is(n’t) the new dating.

I have seen it all too many times. Couples who rush into marriage regardless of how long they have been in a relationship together and ultimately fail. In my group of friends, I already have a handful of them that are divorced, and a smaller few of them already remarried. Each situation is unique, but each seems to have a common theme.

I honestly believe there is a moment in every relationship where the couple comes to a crossroad. Based upon the decision that is made at this fork, to fight or to give up, it will make or break the union. mike-enerio-87677.jpg

I know that may sound like a no brainer, but there is a great depth to this moment. I’m not talking about who will do a house chore, but rather something life changing such as the topic of children or financial decisions.

First, the crossroad is reached based upon a situation or scenario that tests each person as an individual. Their needs, wants, values, and very foundation of their entire lives is called into question.

Once the individual has decided their own thoughts and feelings on the situation, the second step to deciding whether to fight or give up is evaluating their partners conclusions. Sometimes this can lead to arguments and fights, but if I have learned anything in life, listening to the other side’s opinion is key to having a full understanding of any scenario. Patience is the only way through this step.

Once both parties have worked through their own understanding of the situation and now know where their partner stands, and here is the most important part of this entire process, step three is to decide if there can be a compromise.

Compromise is such a small, basic word that is thrown around in everyday conversations, but the meaning behind it packs a whopping punch. By googling the word, a definition pops up as follows:

NOUN
compromises
(plural noun)
  1. an agreement or a settlement of a dispute that is reached by each side making concessions:
VERB
compromises (third person present) · compromised (past tense) · compromised (past participle) · compromising (present participle)
  1. settle a dispute by mutual concession:

A mutual concession. Let that sink in. Both parties, after deciding what the situation means to them and hearing what it then means to their partner, will have to decide if a compromise, or a concession, or a partial/full giving up of something in order to meet in the middle on a decision/way to handle a situation, can be reached.

Both parties have to choose whether a compromise can be reached.

If one can’t, then I can guarantee the relationship will end. It may not happen after the first failed process in attempting to compromise, but the infection of the disagreement, of the stubbornness to meet somewhere in the middle for the sake of the relationship, will only spread until that final crossroad is met, and the couple gives up.

If a couple does not go through this process at least once before marriage, I will guess again that the relationship may fail. Without the foundation of choosing to fight for each other, if it were to arise in the midst of the marriage for the first time, I have seen it before where a couple succumbs to the crossroad.

I’m not sure if the romantic ideology given to many from movies, novels, and even songs has tainted our belief that marriage should be easy, but it seems that when it starts to get rough, couples are surprised or shocked.

alejandra-quiroz-658MARRIAGE IS NOT EASY, but it can be so beautiful. When two people continuously choose to fight for their love, fight to keep their relationship alive by working through their issues and finding common ground, there is beauty. When two people choose each other over their own needs and wants, there is compromise. When a couple decides to walk hand in hand down the same path, love will always lead the way.

Lesson of the day, my friends. Love your spouse. Fight for your marriage. Don’t let the crossroad lead you astray. Find the compromise, and continue on, together.

 

HBO Series: Divorce

divorceBack in the day, I was a huge Sex in the City fan. I loved the dynamic of the four very different women together going through polar opposite lives, but still remaining friends. It was a teenage version of me that came to believe that was how life was going to be following marriage, kids, careers, etc. I’d work until lunch, go out with my girlfriends for a bite to eat before heading back to my job, then go home to my husband and kid(s). Sex in the City gave my young self a glimpse into a future I desired and aspired to. Part of the reason was because Sarah Jessica Parker was a writer as well, so it all just fit nicely into my young mind’s plan.

Now Ms. Parker has a new show called Divorce on HBO. The very name itself deterred me for months, but I finally sat down and watched the pilot episode. The show is only a half hour long, but upon finishing the first episode, I moved happily along to the next. In no way, shape, or form, do I desire the life Ms. Parker is now taking on as her Frances character as I was drawn to her Carrie character, but instead I’m drawn to the humor strategically placed throughout this series. Grant it, I’m only on episode three which is now playing as I write this, but Thomas Haden Church is perfect in this role! He literally has the best, most wittiest lines filled with dry humor and perfect delivery. He makes this show for me. Can’t wait to get to episode four.