I have seen it all too many times. Couples who rush into marriage regardless of how long they have been in a relationship together and ultimately fail. In my group of friends, I already have a handful of them that are divorced, and a smaller few of them already remarried. Each situation is unique, but each seems to have a common theme.
I honestly believe there is a moment in every relationship where the couple comes to a crossroad. Based upon the decision that is made at this fork, to fight or to give up, it will make or break the union.
I know that may sound like a no brainer, but there is a great depth to this moment. I’m not talking about who will do a house chore, but rather something life changing such as the topic of children or financial decisions.
First, the crossroad is reached based upon a situation or scenario that tests each person as an individual. Their needs, wants, values, and very foundation of their entire lives is called into question.
Once the individual has decided their own thoughts and feelings on the situation, the second step to deciding whether to fight or give up is evaluating their partners conclusions. Sometimes this can lead to arguments and fights, but if I have learned anything in life, listening to the other side’s opinion is key to having a full understanding of any scenario. Patience is the only way through this step.
Once both parties have worked through their own understanding of the situation and now know where their partner stands, and here is the most important part of this entire process, step three is to decide if there can be a compromise.
Compromise is such a small, basic word that is thrown around in everyday conversations, but the meaning behind it packs a whopping punch. By googling the word, a definition pops up as follows:
compromises (plural noun)
an agreement or a settlement of a dispute that is reached by each side making concessions:
compromises (third person present) · compromised (past tense) · compromised (past participle) · compromising (present participle)
settle a dispute by mutual concession:
A mutual concession. Let that sink in. Both parties, after deciding what the situation means to them and hearing what it then means to their partner, will have to decide if a compromise, or a concession, or a partial/full giving up of something in order to meet in the middle on a decision/way to handle a situation, can be reached.
Both parties have to choose whether a compromise can be reached.
If one can’t, then I can guarantee the relationship will end. It may not happen after the first failed process in attempting to compromise, but the infection of the disagreement, of the stubbornness to meet somewhere in the middle for the sake of the relationship, will only spread until that final crossroad is met, and the couple gives up.
If a couple does not go through this process at least once before marriage, I will guess again that the relationship may fail. Without the foundation of choosing to fight for each other, if it were to arise in the midst of the marriage for the first time, I have seen it before where a couple succumbs to the crossroad.
I’m not sure if the romantic ideology given to many from movies, novels, and even songs has tainted our belief that marriage should be easy, but it seems that when it starts to get rough, couples are surprised or shocked.
MARRIAGE IS NOT EASY, but it can be so beautiful. When two people continuously choose to fight for their love, fight to keep their relationship alive by working through their issues and finding common ground, there is beauty. When two people choose each other over their own needs and wants, there is compromise. When a couple decides to walk hand in hand down the same path, love will always lead the way.
Lesson of the day, my friends. Love your spouse. Fight for your marriage. Don’t let the crossroad lead you astray. Find the compromise, and continue on, together.