What life has taught me

In the past few months, I have learned some very hard lessons. Ones that I don’t think I was ready for. They came like a shockwave, jolting my entire system and shattering everything around me. Honestly, I’m still going through most of it, trying to make sense of it, but I’ve absorbed it as much as I can.

A few highlights:

Try to listen first. There is a time to talk and a time to listen. Sometimes, just listening is all that is needed. Sometimes, your opinions don’t matter. There will be occasions when your words are needed, but try to listen first.

Taking care of yourself is just as important as taking care of anyone else. I struggled with deep depression as a teen. It was dark and all consuming, but I made it through with help from others. I can’t imagine what may have happened to me if they hadn’t been there, hadn’t been strong enough to help me. I came close to sinking back into that familiar darkness recently, but the will to find my happiness brought me back. I’ve realized that no matter what is happening in my life, if I want to help those around me, I have to take care of myself first.

Never take peace for granted. Whether you notice it or not, everyone strives to have peace in at least one aspect of their lives. Work, home, hobbies; some part of their lives. When every part of life seems chaotic, that sliver of peace is the safe haven a person can curl up in and recoup. Never, ever take that solace for granted. Cherish it completely!

Love will always triumph over fear. I know it sounds very Frozen movie-ish, and I do have a five year old daughter who loves those movies, but it’s true! Love is the greatest weapon, the ultimate conquerer of fear. As life throws me around in this unforgiving sea of fear, I am holding on to the one anchor I know is always there. Love is stronger than fear.

I’ve been learning these lessons hard recently, and I am taking heed. If nothing else, these past few months have given me such clarity in these four aspects of my life, for the rest of my life. I just truly hope life can finally come to a place of peace for a while.

My journey, a poem

I thought about you today,
Thought I’d let you know.
Not to stroke your ego,
Because I let it go,
But more just to be thankful
For the road I have traveled,
Since you were a part of it.
A quick stop along the way,

A detour I never thought I’d take.

Now, I’m so far past it.
It’s only a memory.
Where I have come
Is near perfection
Because where I have been
Was hell,

But it taught me how to get here.

The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel Season 3

Rachel Brosnahan in The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel (2017)I LOVE THIS SHOW!

If you know nothing else about me, just know that I love The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel Amazon Original Series. The writing, the casting and acting, the cinematography; beautiful, perfect, and amazing! The only thing I can complain about is the length of the season! Eight episodes! Eight! It used to be ten; now, it’s eight! Give me back my ten episode long seasons!

Well, the story line left some heartburn this season also. Click MORE if you want to know why.

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Mental Health Care – the stigmatic sector

I can’t tell you how many times I have started this post and then deleted it. My backspace key is wearing out. WordPress is sending me emails like: Try the Publish button, you’ll like it! But, every time I do, I wonder what the feedback will be. I wonder if I’m saying it right, or saying too much. I want to get this right because the stigma already exists around it, and I don’t want to add more negativity to the topic of mental health.

Mental health is at epidemic proportions in this world, and the past few weeks of my family’s experience in this field of care is a true testament to why.

I’ve been on anxiety medication for years,” the medic smiled.

After five days, the patient will be released with two weeks worth of medication, so they can find a psychiatrist who can continue the treatment,” the in-patient nurse informed.

The psychiatrist has denied you to the practice because you did not complete the program as prescribed,” the intake therapist stated.

Anxiety and depression are two sides of the same coin“, the general practitioner said. “It can be treated in the family practice realm. Come back in a month.”

More than 50% of people who go to the E.R. for heart attack symptoms a

re actually experiencing a panic attack,” the therapist assured.

But, each of those people who end up in the E.R. have different experiences getting help with their condition following the emergency room visit.

The lack of care providers is astounding! And, it only gets worse as you try to get more specific with your search. Does this one take your insurance? Does this one have an office within a two hour travel range? Is this one even accepting new patients, and if they are, do they have any schedule availability within a day or two?

Mental Health Awareness 2016
Pine Rest Christian Health Services Blog

I couldn’t believe how many care providers (psychiatrists and therapists) I called that had at least a 48 hour call-back time then an even longer wait to actually be seen!

You break a bone; you are seen by a doctor immediately. You have a cold or some other physical ailment; you’re scheduled to be seen within a few days.

Your chest tightens. You have unbearable thoughts. You can’t imagine living any longer. We’ll see you in two weeks!

I am not attempting to downplay the care that should and needs to be provided to those with physical ailments. I am simply asking, why isn’t mental health held to the same caliber? Why aren’t those who have dark thoughts and physical symptoms in reaction to their mental state treated with the same expedience? How can a doctor (who is one of a very few in a certain geographical area and health care sector) deny a patient from care?

The stigma that surrounds mental health isn’t there because it is hard to understand how these patients feel. More people than not these days can relate to the list of mental health disorder symptoms. It’s there because the treatment these patients need isn’t. Imagine a world where a patient visited a doctor once and was cured of anxiety, depression, or any other mental ailment. Would there still be a stigma?

Mental health issues are not the problem. Access to care is.

New job, too!

It’s been about a month since I started my new day job. I’m back in the industry I love, doing what I love to do. I’m so happy! But, I haven’t gotten to this point without a struggle.

If you didn’t know, about ten months ago, I had also accepted a new position, leaving an organization I had been with for seven years. It was a hard decision, but in order to keep developing my skills and move up in the world, it had to be done. I just wish I would have listened to my gut.

I had to make the move for my own professional development, but man, I wish I would have skipped that organization, and just come straight to my new job. I know it was a stepping stone that led me to where I am now, but it has been an interesting year, to say the least.

Now, I’m in my new organization with the previous just a distant memory. I’m happy to be training on software and building the cloud based infrastructure for a large division. It’s great to be back in the industry I love!

All this to say, sometimes you have to choose to go through hell to get to paradise.

If I had listened to my intuition those many months ago, I may never have gotten to where I am now. I could feel it in my soul that my previous organization wasn’t right for me, but I did it anyway. I chose to go there, even with red flags flying, because I knew I had to gain momentum. I had to start the process of moving, even though I was sure it wasn’t going to be a forever home.

I’m glad to have had the experience because now I know exactly what I don’t want and how to get back to everything I do.

New Car!

After weeks of dealing with the insurance company, I finally have a new car!

My poor Toyota Corolla was totaled a few weeks ago when a stake truck backed into me. My Corolla was twelve years old and in fair condition, at best, but I was hoping for another five years out of it. I kind of figured it was going to be totaled based on the damage, age of my vehicle, and milage.

Thus, comes in the reason for my new car! A totaled car has led to a totally new car for me!

Enter, a 2019 Toyota RAV4. The new car smells washes warmly over your senses. The sleek exterior reminds you of smooth gun metal. The interior glistens and shines the deepest blacks and grays you have ever seen. There’s more tech in the vehicle than you could have ever imagined for a car that just barely requires a driver!

It’s beautiful!

I feel so high up in my RAV4 compared to my gocart Corolla. I actually feel seen! Like I could win in a collision. Not that I want to test that theory. I feel safe and secure riding around in the insulated vehicle. The sound buffering is amazing!

Overall, I’d say I’m over the moon with my new car! Now I just gotta figure out how to use all the tech!

Car Totaled, Totally New Car

I have had the same vehicle since I turned 17 years old. My first car, a 2005 Toyota Corolla, came into my possession in 2007. It was a new to me car with about 42,000 miles on it. That thing was a tank! It didn’t have much as far as features, even for 2005 standards. It had manual windows and keyed entry, but it was mine, and it could go forever!

Fast forward through high school, college, road trips, marriage, and a baby, and that car was still going strong! Twelve years I ran that car on basic maintenance and fluid changes, all the way up to 160,000 miles, and I would’ve put money on it running for at least another five years. Well, I would have lost it all.

A few weeks ago, a stake body truck decided to back into the front of my geriatric vehicle. The driver was a wonderful person, very apologetic, pulled off to the side of be road and took responsibility for the accident. In the D.C. area, having the person at fault actually stick around and accept fault is huge! Anyway, his huge, landscaper type truck almost cut the front bumper in half, shattered the grille, and crumpled the front half of the hood. Luckily, this was all at a very low speed, so no one was injured, but man, my poor car!

Now, I’m driving a rental, and a salvage yard tow truck took my well driven, beyond paid for car away. They haven’t given the official word yet, but the adjuster is under the impression that it will be totaled. Twelve years of travel, of life in one vehicle, gone. Not to mention not having a car payment. Ugh!

Just waiting on the insurance check, so I can go car shopping, I guess, but my heart just isn’t in it. I don’t even know where to start!

Kevin Hart: Irresponsible Tour

Note: I wrote this review the night I watched the show. Kevin Hart’s accident occured two nights later. I wish him a speedy recovery and that he gets back to doing what he loves soon!


I LOVED THIS SHOW! Kevin Hart is one of the funniest stand-up comedians I have ever watched. He is so animated and tells the best stories about his life. It is easy for me to connect with him and his family life, and feel his pain.

This show was no different! The sketch about his daughter starting her cycle for the first time had me laughing so hard I was crying, wheezing, coughing, and snorting. I don’t think I have ever laughed that hard, let alone at a stand-up show. He said he threw a maxi pad like a grenade at her! I can so imagine my husband doing this to our daughter one day. 😂

If you are looking for a hilarious show, you MUST watch this! Kevin Hart is hilarious in most movies he plays in, but for his creative freedom to run wild in his shows, his stand-up is comedy GOLD! Catch it on Netflix!

Insomnia: Orange is the New Black, Season 7

Can’t sleep. Between coffee and stress, I don’t think sleeping is on the docket. I don’t know what is going on with my brain, but to stay awake during the day, I drink coffee. Caffeine and I usually lead to heightened anxiety. Stress, caffeine, and sleep, don’t mix well!

Anyway, I decided tonight was the perfect night to binge Orange is the New Black, season 7. The final season. What everything has been leading up to is now here.

I’ve watched the first eight hours sporadically, but the last five episodes were for tonight. Every season that has come and gone has been so emotional, so heart wrenching. I have expected nothing less in this series finale!

***SPOILERS AHEAD***

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Spotify: Jazzy Romance

Taking old love songs and placing a jazzy whisper, an elegant piano, and a beautiful orchestra to give it the modern sound.

I love this playlist! It is getting me in all the feels! While walking around the Summit, or working at my desk, even folding laundry, I start to play this playlist, and immediately, my hips sway. I feel the sensuality of it in my bones. The slow words and beats warm my system. It just feels good!

They say people who feel music on another level, like goosebumps and emotional reactions, feel emotions more intensely than those who don’t experience a reaction. I guess I fall into that group!

Curious to hear it? Here’s the link for the Jazzy Romance playlist on Spotify!