To Grieve or To Mourn

migraineWith the sudden passing of one of the best friends two years ago, I have come to find that there is no right or wrong way to grieve or mourn. There is no appropriate set amount of time. There is no reason to tell anyone or to not tell everyone. How ever someone decides to cope with the sense of loss within their lives is entirely up to the individual. The thought of another anniversary of that day has brought these thoughts to the forefront of my mind because even two years later, I still grieve and mourn for the loss of my friend.

While in the throes of my mourning, I started to contemplate what grieving versus mourning really meant. Obviously, loss, sadness, emotional and mental suffering with possible physical pain, but I started to think of their actual definition and wondered if there was a significant difference in the two. What do you know? There is.

Dictionary.com says, “Grieve is the stronger word, implying deep mental suffering often endured alone and in silence but revealed by one’s aspect: to grieve over the loss (or death) of a friend. Mourn usually refers to manifesting sorrow outwardly, either with or without sincerity: to mourn publicly and wear black.”

So, I did what made sense to me. I categorized myself into a group based on the way I deal with the loss of my friend. I believe there are three types of people when it comes to feelings of loss. These types are points on a line spectrum, so there are those who may lean a little from the main point, but I’m sure most can find themselves closer to one point than another.

Boisterous Wailers

These are people who weep loudly for all to hear. They don’t care who is around, or where they are. When the mood strikes them, they will belt out their frustration with whatever sorrow has found them and force whoever or whatever is around them to feel and look the same. They throw things. They scream and curse everyone. These are the types of people who refuse to go through their pain alone, so the world will hear them during their pain.

Silent Sufferers

We all know these types of people. They are the kind who refuse to let anyone in during a time of loss. They push everyone away and insist they are dealing with their suffering when in reality, it weighs on them every moment of every day as they make their way silently through their new world of loss. You may never see these people act out, let alone discuss it. They see the world as full of pain, so why would anyone want to hear about theirs.

Hybrid Comfort Finders

I like to think I have developed a sense of the middle ground between the two aforementioned types of individuals. There are days where I just try to make it through, and there are days where I need help. There are days where I hope the neighbors don’t come to check on me and days where I can smile regardless of my heart breaking. All the days in between, the ones where I don’t believe I lean from this center ground, I find comfort in the beauty of my life. I hug my husband and daughter a little tighter. I eat an extra piece of chocolate, or watch a favorite movie. I find the things that make me happy, and for those few moments, the pain isn’t so heavy, and the world isn’t as dark.

Grieving, mourning; it’s all the same sense of loss. It’s how you make it through the day that matters.

My Husband’s Triumphant Thirtieth Birthday

chamberlin801911881-04938898784.jpgToday is my husband’s thirtieth birthday! He and I met when he was 15 and I was 14. Now officially marks the year when I have known him just as long as I haven’t. He lived 15 years without me, and has now lived 15 years with me. Makes us sound old, but as high school sweethearts, our milestones will be plentiful.

It’s crazy to think of our teenage selves back in high school and all the years after that we went through together. The phrase “growing together” has never made more sense as we have accomplished so much by each others sides. We have worked so hard for everything we have that I know with this monumental birthday we are heading for even greater. I can’t imagine what my life would be like without him, and I thank my lucky stars everyday that I never have to wonder.

I’ve heard people call this the “dirty thirty” birthday, but I promise you, babe, this year will be the Triumphant Thirty. I love you!

 

Insomniac Rambling – Love and Greed

To be enough for someone in a world full of greed is everything.

No! Just, no!

I saw this on Instagram as a poem someone wrote (not sure who posted it, can’t find it again), and I just need to say no. No, this is wrong. So wrong you can’t make enough U-turns to make it right. Just wrong!

I can see someone attempting to make the argument that maybe they are talking about love. Love is selfless. Love is about giving your all and then some to allow the person you have the feelings for to flourish with you. Love is the opposite of greed, therefore, to have found someone who wants to give you all of themselves is a gift not to be squandered. I get it. I dig it. You’re on the right track, but the first sentence in this post does not capture the idea of unselfish love.

The first sentence goes wrong the moment it assumes you weren’t enough for someone, anyone, in this world. You are always enough! It’s just up to the other person to see it, to know your value as much as you know your own worth.

Next, I read this sentence to say that your measurement in a person’s life is in your control. Again, this is wrong. It ties into the first part, but let me dig a little deeper. Greed is a terrible affliction. Nothing is ever enough. So, to say that you should be able to measure up to that amount of endless wanting, to be able to compete with the constant yearning, and possibly be greater than the desire for more in someone else is completely out of your control. Not only do you have to selflessly give yourself over to the one you love, but they in kind must also forget all pretenses and expectations in a world of over consumption and gluttony and share their selfless love, too.

Finally, to say that finding someone who may hold you higher than all other wants and needs is everything is horribly cheap. I would never want someone who wants me more than some goal or objective they may be trying to obtain. One day, those things they once ignored may suddenly float higher than your pedastool, and then your everything is now your barely something. Only when love holds it’s own category, it’s on permanent residence in two people’s lives will that love be everything.

Go to bed, Lindsay. I know. 🙂

Guardians – Book Tour Update!

Guardians Book Blog Tour brought to you by Bewitching Book Tours is in full swing! Next stop is Momma Says: To Read or Not to Read.

Come on over and see what exclusive bits you may find. I’ll keep you updated on all the stops throughout the tour.

Don’t forget to order your copy of Guardians today! 5 star ratings are rolling in! Vampires and werewolves could never face the shadows the Guardians battle everyday. Click here for more information.

Tour schedule

November 8 Momma Says: To Read or Not to Read
November 9 Ramblings of a Book Nerd
November 12 The Book Junkie Reads (Interview)
November 13 Ramblings of a Coffee Addicted Writer
November 13 T’s Stuff (Interview)
November 14 Supernatural Central (Interview)
November 14 3 Partners in Shopping, Nana, Mommy, and Sissy, Too!

HAPPY RELEASE PARTY!

Guardians – Release Day Party Continued!

Click on the links below for your chance to win an ebook!

Goodreads eBook Giveaway

GUARDIANS

By Lindsay Chamberlin

Released October 31 2018
This giveaway starts November 1, 2018 and ends November 13, 2018.

 

Keep up with me on tour for Guardians release party! Today, you can find exclusives and interviews on:

Jazzy Book Reviews
Fang-tastic Books (Guest Blog)

Guardians – Release Day Party!

Welcome to Guardians Release Day Party! It’s finally here! I cannot wait for you to dive into Riley and Reymend’s world of Light and Midnight. This novel is book one of three as part of the Touched by Light series, so once you read this book, the second and third won’t be far behind!

All your desired purchase links can be found here!

If you’re looking for a bit of background before jumping into this series, check out my posts Meet Riley, Meet Reymend, What are Guardians, and What is Light and Midnight. If you’re just ready to get into this paranormal romance novel, head over to the Written Works page for links to all the major distributors.

Guardians Proof twoRiley had spent her entire life terrified of the shadows and darkness that followed her everywhere she went. They ruined her chances at a normal childhood and tormented her throughout her teenage years, labeling her the freak in her hometown, but now was her chance to start over. After receiving her acceptance letter from Bradford University, a chance at a new life and new friends in a town far away from home filled Riley with such hope for the future, but never had she dreamed of meeting the most gorgeous guy on campus. Not only was he attractive, but the shadows were chased away whenever he was near. Riley hoped she could hold on to him, but how could she hope for so much when she had only ever had so little?

Reymend may look like just another student at Bradford University, but his world was greater than any mortal could understand. He was blessed by the Light, trained to be a Guardian, a warrior against the shadows of Midnight that plagued Touched souls in the never ending battle of Light and darkness. It was his duty to protect those souls, and his next Charge was Riley. She didn’t understand the shadows that followed her relentlessly, but one day, she was going to be stronger than any Guardian in the history of the Light, if the darkness didn’t claim her first.

Check-in with me as Guardians goes live on all major distributors and be entered to win a free ebook copy! Leave a comment on this post, and I’ll pick a few lucky winners next week to receive their prize. More giveaways coming up soon!

Today also marks the beginning of Guardians Book Blog Tour brought to you by Bewitching Book Tours. First stop is The Creatively Green Write at Home Mom and Lisa’s World of Books. Come on over and see what exclusive bits you may find. I’ll keep you updated on all the stops throughout the week.

October 31 The Creatively Green Write at Home Mom (Guest Blog)
October 31 Lisa’s World of Books
November 1 Jazzy Book Reviews
November 1 Fang-tastic Books (Guest Blog)
November 2 Roxanne’s Realm
November 5 SImply Kelina
November 6 Other Worlds of Romance (Guest Blog)
Sci-Fi, Fantasy, and Paranormal Romances
November 7 JB’s Bookworms with Brandy Mulder
November 8 Momma Says: To Read or Not to Read
November 9 Ramblings of a Book Nerd
November 12 The Book Junkie Reads (Interview)
November 13 Ramblings of a Coffee Addicted Writer
November 13 T’s Stuff (Interview)
November 14 Supernatural Central (Interview)
November 14 3 Partners in Shopping, Nana, Mommy, and Sissy, Too!

 

HAPPY RELEASE DAY!

To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before – Movie Review

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IMDb: Lara Jean Covey writes letters to all of her past loves, the letters are meant for her eyes only. Until one day when all the love letters are sent out to her previous loves. Her life is soon thrown into chaos when her foregoing loves confront her one by one.

This novel by Jenny Han turned Netflix movie is phenomenal. As a romance writer, I love a good love story. I typically go for the steamy stuff, but this young adult high school romance is wonderfully done. A real life scenario between siblings plays out perfectly, and I found myself envying the sisters symbiotic relationship. Even though there is fluff to this movie that fills the romantic in me with the appropriate amount of awe inspiring moments, this book turned movie tackles tough issues most teenagers traverse like cyber bullying, emotional angst, and finding out who you really are.

I love Lana Condor! She’s a beautiful woman and fills this role perfectly. Her facial expressions are so slight throughout the various scenes emotional appeal, but they hold a huge impact. Don’t even get me started on Noah Centineo! That man is gorgeous! My new actor man crush. There’s a scene where he comes off as cocky with this smirk that makes me melt.

An easy watch, suitable for all ages. I have watched it several times over now and even find myself turning it on for the background noise. You won’t be disappointed. (Don’t tell him I told you, but even my husband enjoyed this movie!)

Writing Competitions

Am I cheap, or am I scared? mac-glasses

I honestly don’t know the answer to that question. I am a writer by nature; a career driven business woman by nurture. The world molded me to pursue a career and climb the corporate ladder while my soul compels me to listen to my muse, to write the characters and their stories for the world to read. I do what I must to make a living, but I do what I want in my free time to keep my soul alive.

I was looking into various writing competitions through a search on Google, and found list after list of open and ongoing competitions. I read a few quick overviews, clicked on a few for a deeper description of the desired submission, but came to one conclusion. Submitting anything into one of these competitions costs money! I found a few free ones, but I do not meet the requirements for most. The ones I do believe I could submit to all cost $XX (double digits) that I’d rather spend on editing or my next book cover.

Then I go to war with myself. Is it really an either/or, or am I just afraid of the feedback? Most of these competitions are just winners or losers, so there really isn’t any promise of feedback, but I know that apprehension is there. I can feel it when I think of submitting my work to be judged. It’s the silliest thing in the world because I self-publish my own novels, for goodness sake! How is this different?

The word “competition” is the only thing I can think of. I’m an extremely competitive person, so the idea of losing is not something that sits well with me. I know I should take a loss and move on. Lord knows I’ve done it numerous times with potential agents and publishers. I just can’t seem to bring myself to do it.

One day. I may even go as far and say, one day this year! Meh, maybe we’ll just stick with one day.

Saying goodbye to the past

When my life rocked sideways during a time of loss, a friend I once considered a sister came to stay with me. photo-1461720486092-b6ee3f33d726She was only with me for twenty-four hours before we went our separate ways, but by the end of that time, something beautifully ashen transpired. We could feel it the moment she walked back into my life, but it wasn’t palpable until the end.

It was in the goodbye.

When I hugged her goodbye, it felt like I was letting go party of my childhood. I felt the angst of my teenage years, the pain and awkwardness as I passed through so many milestones. There was wonder and excitement at finding myself, testing my personality and finding that self actualization. It was all there within our embrace. A tangible energy I could feel gathering between us began to slowly fade away. Like I was releasing a part of me that I had outgrown and moved beyond. Not because it was immature or some underdeveloped piece of me. It was as if this piece of myself allowed me to become the person I am today, completed its mission, and was ready to be released.

The seconds it took to release the hold around her tiny frame were the most drawn out moments in my life. Everything that had once built me up disapated as her arms unwound around me. All of the years I had spent trying to find the person I wanted to be evaporated like a summer rain from the forefront of my mind, finding their place within my mind’s archive. I could feel it slipping from me, all that time spent angry and confused, fumbling and jubilated as I made my way through the day to day.

It wasn’t being thrown away or stuffed into the attic, never to be thought of again. No, it became the diploma hanging on the wall, or the photos you frame to never forget a memory. It became a dormant piece to my life puzzle, the outer frame of my past, but no longer what constituted my center, present day me. It became the footprints in the sand behind me, the path that led me here, but no longer the dominant pieces of me.

As she looked at me, possibly for the very last time, I could see it in her eyes, too. She felt it. The pillars in our lives shifting. We smiled and said one last goodbye. She looked over her shoulder at me, and for the first time in my life, I felt renewed. I had finally released my past and became the full realized person I had fought so hard to be.

She helped me get to this point. I will always love her for that. I will never forget or regret my past. It was the only way to get to where I am today. I look upon it now, hanging on the wall in my mind’s gallery of memories and smile, thankful for it all and overwhelmed by the journey.

I’m not who I was. I’ve grown and become someone I had always hoped I would be. I have a longer road ahead of me to become even more, but to the road I have left behind, its been a beautiful ride.