Not many people know this about me, but I’m choosing to share it because I refuse to let it control me anymore. I am an extremely self-conscious person, so much so that I can be my own worst enemy.
When I was a teenager, it was worse with all of the terrible experiences I endured, but dance and my part-time job were enough to distract me a majority of the time. As I graduated grade school, I had to find other ways in dealing with my self-respect, but it followed me into adulthood and threatened to consume me all too many times.
After getting married and having my daughter I was able to give myself some slack because I had proof that I was at least doing something right. A man who loves me, and a growing, thriving baby girl. Now, as my daughter gets older, I’m finding that I am beginning to fall back into my old pattern of chastising myself continuously for even the smallest of blips. I know it isn’t right or healthy, but I’m struggling to find ways to bring it to it’s final end.
As a teenager, I think I got to the point where I was self-loathing, but I haven’t sunk that low in a long time. I want to be stronger for my husband, and a better role-model for my daughter. I want to grow and live a life of love. I never want to go down that dark road again, so here’s my way of assuring I don’t.
I’m vowing right now to love myself. I’m promising that I will not allow my mind to explore the idea that I’m not good enough, or that my efforts are pointless. I’m swearing right now that I will be my greatest cheerleader in the days, years to come. If nothing else is true in this world, we have this one body, one chance to do our best. I refuse to let myself be my own stop sign.
It’s a heavy topic, one that took me a while to really talk about, but I hope this may help someone else see the light, and change their thinking. Love yourself first because you are the only person in this world who really knows you.