Feeling a little blue tonight. Not sure why. Just a heavy heart and mind.
I’ve actually seen a few memes lately that have been weighing on my heart. Sounds silly, I know, but they really struck my heart string. One said that if you try to reach out to someone and they don’t do the same for you then forget them, but not a scroll later did I see the same meme with an X mark through the first statement and a further explanation of, no, do it. Always try when the person means something to you.
I’m kind of feeling both right now. I had a friend, KMK, for those of you who read one of my previous posts, “Growing Up is Hard to Do, But I had You,” that was literally the best friend I could ever ask for. She was always there for me, but after I got married, we drifted apart.i hate that! With all my being, I hate that we hardly talk anymore.
About two years after my wedding, I reached out to her just to see if we could possibly still be friends, and we texted for a bit before we stopped talking again for almost another year. When her twin KAK passed away, I literally felt like one of the worst people in existence because it had been so long since I had talked to KMK, and the first time I was seeing her again was at her twins funeral.
I never want that to happen between me and another friend again. I never want to go without talking to someone I care so much for for so long. I want to try and be a better friend. I want to always try to reach out to those I love and not care if they don’t reciprocate.
But when they don’t show the same sort of feeling, what am I supposed to do? There are times with KMK that I try and text her and receive no response. We are busy adults, I know, so I don’t take it personally most of the time, but sometimes when we talk, it feels so forced. How do I make it better? Can I make it better? Or is it one of those things that I have to take what I can get?
I miss my best friend, but maybe as you get older, best friends are just what you called people you saw all the time at school, not what you have through adulthood. Maybe when you become an adult, your life becomes your best friend. Doesn’t sound so bad, I guess, unless its days or nights like today when I could really use my best friend’s ear.