My Life As The Walking Dead

First spring semester: Complete

MOS Specialist in Word certification: Complete

Stomach bug/flu: Complete

And that’s just within the last two weeks.

I have never known this kind of fatigue in my life. My mind feels foggy and my body achy. Making coherent sentences is a chore. Note the length and complexity oseason-5-walking-dead-promo-posterf these. Through it all, I have accomplished so much, but I really am unsure whether I am ready for more. I have another semester looming in less than a week; another certificate to obtain; and I can only hope and pray that I don’t get sick again! Yuck!

My life is seriously beginning to feel like The Walking Dead. I am officially exhausted! I feel like I am dragging my feet and moaning a lot. Well, maybe just to myself rather than out loud. That would be creepy. But, not creepier than their make-up! Wow! Did you see some of the make-up last night on the zombies? Perfection!

Probably shouldn’t have stayed up to watch that sorry excuse of a season finale. If only their writers were as good as their make-up artists. Maybe they would have a full understanding of what their viewership wants out of a season in general.

I am definitely a fan of The Walking Dead and have been since the first episode. I remember the first time I heard the hiss of zombies as they poked their fingers through chained locked doors at a newly awoken Rick Grimes. It was my first zombie no-sleep experience since zombie movies/shows never put the fear/anxiety into my heart before that first episode and the little zombie girl. The second no-sleep experience was Fear The Walking Dead with the collapse of society stressing me to the point of a quickening heartbeat as I lay in the dark in bed begging for sleep.

It has been a long time since TWD has put that type of anxiety into my psyche over an episode, and I sincerely believed last night’s was going to do it. There was so much hype over the entrance of Negan, the bigger and badder ( 😉 ) villain than the Governor, and what his first action was going to be as the new ruler of Alexandria. I think I had anticipated the fear, prepared for it mentally, and was ready to meet the man of my newest nightmares.

Then the episode droned on. An hour and half (44-minutes if you cut out all of the flipping commercials!) of absolutely no progress! What happened with Carol and Morgan? They met to random guys in paintball gear who said they would get them help, but who are they? I don’t know because that would be progress! Then the cat and mouse game of trying to make it to the Hilltop only to be stopped at least five times by the Saviors before finally getting caught and brought before the man I was supposed to fear.

Not going to lie, the whistling was a bit eerie, and I’m not sure if that is an inferiority deal for me since I cannot and have not ever been able to whistle, or just because the sound portrayed their sheer numbers, but the anxiety in me built.

As the actor of the new villain steps out of the R/V, his menacing demeanor is as clear as Lucille on his shoulder, but I was a bit thrown off by the tight fitting jeans and clean clothes. I don’t know, maybe I was expecting someone a little dingier looking to fit his dark persona. Then he speaks, and that voice is Oscar worthy, so velvety and smooth with the right amount malice as he introduces himself, but shit falls out of his mouth so frequently, as if the writers are afraid of all the other cuss words accessible in the taboo vocabulary. Finally he chooses who gets to feel Lucille’s kiss upon their dome, and the POV is first person. He beats the person until the sound of screams and mushy parts reverberates above all and the screen goes red then black.

And it’s over.

And you have no idea who was killed.

And Talking Dead begins with the producers saying they didn’t know who to kill.

And all you can help but scream at your TV is fire everyone! All the writers, the producers, fire them all! How can you leave your faithful viewers hanging? And to say that you have no idea who was killed is an absolute cop out, basically calling yourself the worst writers in the history of writing! The most epic moment to occur in the entire series is tainted and all but removed because you couldn’t decide who to kill off? Cop out!

I have seen some people compare this moment to the Jon Snow moment in GOT, but at least in that moment you know Jon Snow is dead (to be resurrected as Jon Targaryen). Who said what about the third dragon rider? Come on end of April! At least, GOT won’t let me down with unnecessary cliff hangers because they know their viewers devotion!

I will watch season 7 of TWD because I do love the show, but I’m not sure how many more stunts I feel obliged to watch after the Glenn’s dead, I mean, not dead, and oh, we killed a main character, but just not sure which one bullshit! Oh, look at me, channeling my inner Negan. Just kidding, that’s scary!

But, for all this episode, heck, season even, could have been, it simply wasn’t. And here I am, feeling like my own version of The Walking Dead for what? Writers who don’t love me?

Jon Targaryen, here I come!

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