As I am slowly making my way through my pregnancy, each day has brought a new feeling. When I first took the at home test and a positive sign stared back up at me, I can honestly say the first feeling to wash over me was utter shock. Don’t get me wrong, my husband and I knew it was a possibility, but it seemed so easy to have only done the act and received the outcome so quickly. To those that have trouble getting pregnant, my heart aches for you, and I would never wish that heartache on anyone, but I could’ve sworn there would’ve been more to it than there was.
As the shock and almost disbelief abated and confirmation was official through blood work, excitement and worry took its place. My husband and I have become more and more excited as time progresses, waiting on our little girl! (We couldn’t help it. We had to know!) He started buying onesies and decorating the nursery within the first trimester. I started our baby registry and have already picked a date for our baby shower. I’ve even started looking at invites! The very idea that we will have the best parts of both of us in one tiny person is so overwhelmingly amazing I literally tear up just thinking about her. (Yeah, I know it is probably the hormones, but it is such a beautiful thought.)
Then there’s worry. I believe every parent goes through the worries of what becoming a parent will mean, what bringing a child into the world means. All I can do is hope that I will be a good parent, teaching my daughter right from wrong without swaying her when it is her time to make her own decisions. I can only hope that I can give her the life she deserves and express to the fullest the love I know I feel for her already. I just hope that I am able to provide everything she ever needs in her life; a parent’s worry.
While traveling through this journey, I am sure I will find many more feelings to add to my repertoire like her first kick, having a large belly, and of course birth, but for now I’ll just stick with guessing what she’s going to look like! I have darker features while her father has lighter, so for the life of me, I cannot figure out which features she will have. (See my last post for a sonogram photo. Her nose is more pointed like her dad’s; is that a sign?!) I cannot wait to meet my daughter!